The Jerk Next Door Teaser

Teaser from my current work-in-progress, THE JERK NEXT DOOR! This teaser comes from the opening of the very first chapter. Enjoy!
***
There was a naked man sprawled across my front yard.
Not half naked. Not metaphorically naked. Literally stark, bare-butt naked.
The man lay on his stomach, his arms spread out on either side of him, almost meeting in a horizontal line. I guess I should count myself lucky he wasn’t on his back. That would’ve been way too much to handle at seven in the morning.
My first instinct was to call 911—but what exactly would I say?
My emergency? Um, there’s a naked man on my front yard and I haven’t seen one in a long time, so my expertise in that field is sorely lacking.
Yeah, right. That would go over well. I could practically hear the operator dying from laughter on the other end of the line.